


And Also I’m Really Scared

by cats_on_marrs



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attack on the Hyborean Moon, Battle of Jakkku, Child Abandonment, Child Neglect, Coruscant Civil War, Domestic Violence, F/M, Family Feels, Kallus is a good dad, M/M, More characters I’m to lazy to tag, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Post-Battle of Endor (Star Wars), Rebellion on Akiva, dont worry everything will be ok, takes place 4 ABY-5 ABY, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28733865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cats_on_marrs/pseuds/cats_on_marrs
Summary: As the Ravager fell to its grave, so did the Galactic Empire, onto the burning sands of Jakku......The galaxy belonged to the Rebels.And that was absolutely terrifying.
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus & Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios, Alexsandr Kallus & Hera Syndulla, Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	And Also I’m Really Scared

**Author's Note:**

> A multi chapter fic? Really?!!! Yes I promise that for once i WILL finish it lol.
> 
> Trigger warning: domestic violence and past child abuse/neglect. yeah.. I know but don’t worry every thing will be ok. Enjoy!

The sound of objects clanging and distant shouting is certainly an unpleasant way to wake up to. But for young Undraad, it’s more than just unpleasant. It is absolutely  _terrifying_ , especially as the noises only intensify with each passing second.

Seeking comfort, he slips out of his bed and tiptoes to where his brother is. Stepping warily across the hallway, he can hear more clearly the racket his parents are making, the strings of curses thrown back and forth. Now that he thinks about it, how much comfort could his twin brother of all people offer exactly?

Reaching his brother’s bedside, he calls for him. “Oyun. Oyun? Can I sleep here?”

When he doesn’t get an answer, Undraad pulls the covers only to find the bed empty.  _Where is he? _ Something shatters downstairs; the noise is followed by the cry of a child, echoing through the walls. He realizes that there’s only one way to find out and that’s going downstairs where the madness awaits him. 

As frightened as he is, he takes a deep breath and walks down the staircase. Hopefully his parents will be lost enough in their own quarrel to notice him slip by with his brother, to take cover back in their bedroom again. But when he reaches the bottom, he’s met with a completely different situation. Oyun is crying on the floor between their mother’s legs. 

She, only the other hand, stops mid sentence and redirects her attention to the kit bellow her. With an exaggerated sigh, she tells the boy off, “Oyun! Stop it!” He does for a moment and like that she resumes the argument she had left on hold. 

“Mommy!! Don’t fight!!!”, Oyun shouts, louder this time. 

Their father takes a stab at it this time. “Did you not listen? Shut. Up!” He moves away with a growl and their mother follows along, their argument leading them to the kitchen.Undraad cheers in his head quickly using the opportunity to dart towards his brother and grab him by the hand. “Let’s go”, he whispers. Wiping the tears and mucus from his face, Oyun nods and the two run upstairs to the safety of their room.  _So much for seeking comfort._

“To my room”, Undraad says. Once inside, he gives his brother a blanket and wraps it around him tightly. “There. All better.” Oyun doesn’t answer, he simply continues sniffing, his lip trembling. Undraad pauses for a moment before asking, “What were you doing down there?” Oyun looks down to his feet, embarrassment painting his face. “I thought...”, he begins, “I thought I could... stop... them.”

Undraad give his brother a sympathetic nod but scolds him anyway. “You know better than that, though. Just leave them alone.” 

“Yeah, but I-“

“But nothing!” Undraad repeats, shutting down whatever argument his brother had.

The two suddenly jump when they hear their mother scream. It was unlike anything they’d heard before. And then the sound of someone coming towards them. 

A loud voice calling for them. “Undraad! Oyun!”

Them there’s shuffling coming from the other room. “ _Fierfek_ , where are those two...”, the voice mutters. 

Undraad looks around for a quiet place to hide. He quickly moves them to the closet and presses a finger to his lips. Oyun nods again, understanding the unspoken message. 

And then their father strides into the room causing the two boys to flinch unintentionally. They watch through a crack in the door as the larger lasat stalks around, looking for  _them._ Undraad tries to suppress the sudden impulse to vomit, a nasty habit that he’d started getting recently. With a few deep breaths, the feeling went away. 

Oyun, unfortunately, whimpered. 

Loudly. 

Undraad waisted no time, quickly scooping up some clothes that were next to him and dumping them on his brother just as his father opened the closet door. “Bastard, there you are”, his father snarled as he snatched him by his right arm. And just like that, Undraad found himself being unceremoniously dragged out of his room and down the hall. Everything was going so fast. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, faster and faster. No, no, no, no, no. This wasn’t his father. This was a monster. A monster he had to get away from, quickly. 

His eyes begin to water and everything gets blurry and he yells.

“Papa!”

He’s stunned by the word that has come out of his own mouth. Why is he say saying that when his father is right here?

Still, he continues to repeat the word louder and louder as if his life depends on it. In a way, it does. 

“Papa! Papa, help me!”

Suddenly, the lights of the hallway shut down and darkness surrounds Undraad. He’s gasping for air. Wait, no. He’s  suffocating. 

“Papa!!!”

_ “Little quasar, what’s troubling you?” _

Undraad opens his eyes. When did he close them? It’s still dark. Where is he? He slowly realizes that his whole body is covered with a dark blanket. He moves it off his head and sees-

“....Alex.”

The human raises his eyebrows and blinks, surprised by hearing the kit call him by his first name. 

“Oh! I-I’m sorry”, Undraad stutters, “I meant-“

“No it’s ok, Und. I already told you, whatever you call me is fine”, Kallus reassures with a warm smile. He walks into the room and sits on the bed’s edge as Undraad shuffles closer. “I heard you yelling. What’s wrong?” he probed again. Undraad tries to steady himself, still quite distraught from the very vivid memory. “I had a bad dream”, the boy explains. 

“Oh, you mean a nightmare.” Undraad nods. “You know, I still get nightmares, too. Do you want to talk about it?” 

Did he want to talk about it? Well, he most certainly had to in the beginning, back when Kallus and his team found them wandering the jungles of Akiva. Back when they thought that they could locate the children’s parents. But as soon as Kallus realized that they’d actually been  abandoned , well... no further questions were made. Instead he uncomplicatedly took them back to base and treaded them as if they had been his all along. And it was all so weirdly natural and frustrating at the same time and he hasn’t answered the question yet. Oops. 

“Um, I .. I ,” he frowns. Why can’t he make the words come out?! “I, um...”

Kallus pulls him closer and onto his lap. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Und.”

_ But I do want to! Why’s this so difficult?!  _

“It’s just that... well... you weren’t there”, he finally replied. 

“I see...”, Kallus uttered. “And that... frightened you?” Once again, the boy nodded seeming as he couldn’t voice his thoughts. “Well I’m right here now. There’s nothing to be afraid of. And even if I’m not, you’ll never be alone.” With that the man stood up with Undraad in his arms. Together they walked to one side of the room. It wasn’t until the fourth time they came back to the same wall that the young lasat realized Kallus was pacing back and forth, rocking him all the while. And soon after he started to hum ever so tenderly using his free hand to pat his back rhythmically. Undraad had never felt more at ease and was about to shut his eyes when the familiar sound of a comlink activating chirped. 

Kallus was quick to answer the call. “Give me a few minutes. I’ll be right there.” He sauntered over to a panel next to a large striated rectangle. With a push of a button, it whooshed open to reveal the window it was covering and outside, the moon they were orbiting. 

Undraad couldn’t help but notice how the humming turned into singing. Despite already having his left ear presses onto the human’s chest, he found himself with the urge to nuzzle his whole face into him, pressing his small, child frame against the coziness of safety. 

_ “It always seems more quiet in the dark, _

_ It always feels so stark _

_ How silence grows under the moon, _

_ Constellations gone so soon. _

_ I used to think that I was bold.  _

_ I used to think love would be fun.  _

_ Now, all my stories have been told  _

_ Except for one.” _

As Kallus sang, the rocking and pacing around the room continued, shifting his body weight from one leg to the other. 

_ “As the stars start to align  _

_ I hope you take it as a sign _

_ That you’ll be ok _

_ Everything will be ok.” _

Undraad blinked slowly, watching as the soft violet colors of the moon below them lit up the dim room through the window. 

_“And if the universe collapses ,_

_ Although the day could be my last _

_ You will be ok _

_When I’m gone, you’ll be ok.” _

The pleasant feeling came again, encouraging him to knead onto the human’s shirt. You didn’t have to see Kallus’ face to know he was smiling. 

_ “And when Creation goes to die _

_ You can find me in the sky _

_ Upon the last day  _

_ And you will be ok...” _

As soon as the sleeping boy was back in bed and covered snuggly in the blanket, Kallus placed the most gingerly kiss on his fuzzy little forehead. Then he turned his heel and walked as quietly as he could out of the room as to not disturb the kit anymore. Upon entering the cockpit, Kallus was greeted by D-4. “I do hope we didn’t interrupt anything, Captain Kallus”, the droid inquired.

“Only nap time”, the blond quipped. The young Nautolan girl sitting in the copilot’s chair gave a soft chuckled. “Nap time? How adorable, Captain”, she teased. Kallus walked over to his seat, plopping down on it. “Yeah well... Undraad was a bit distraught”, he explained. “Had a nightmare and was upset upon noting my absence.”

The girl made a small hum in acknowledgement. “But enough about me”, Kallus continued, combing his hair with his fingers. “Tell me, Riya. What is it that you called me for?”

“Oh, right!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “The commander just hailed all the frigates. Told us to stand by for the order to move forward. It’s just a matter of time.”

“Alright then. Get what you need and head over to the starfighters. I’ll send Kane over shortly.”

The Nautolan turned to look at him face to face, her long, orange tendrils whipping along with her movement. “I thought you and I were going together.”

“Nope.” Kallus answered as he tampered with the settings on the flight computer. “I’m part of ground forces today. Since I used to be ISB, I’ll be helping storm the prison. The  _Glimmer_ is to stay here, with the remaining fleet. Hopefully we’ll get rid of the imp scum taking advantage of this place.”

The comment was replied with a salty chuckle. “I second that”, she agreed. “Who the hell builds a recreational site next to a prison? Hot springs? Housing, too?!”

“Clearly, the Empire”, the Coruscanti sighs. “Kriffing imps..”

Riya started to fiddle with her fingers. “This is the third time I’ll be flying a bomber. I’m so nervous”, she whispered.

“May the force have mercy and be with us”, he joked.

D-4 finally steps up and begins, “Pardon me, Captain Kallus, but if Miss Riya and Mister Kane are using the starfighters, what am I supposed to do?”

The human turns his seat around to look at him. “You, my friend, will stay here with the ship, with the rest of the fleet. Take good care of the boys until I come back.”

“ _If_ you come back”, D-4 blurted. That earned the silver droid a scowl in return. “I  _will_ be back”, Kallus grumbled, “Gotta get rid of this... stuckup ISB scum first.”

Riya gives him a sly grin. “Who’d a thunk it you’d be sayin and doin all these things, Captain? I’m curious though, you know this Agent Krass?” Kallus shook his head, “Yes and no. The Krass family is quite well known. From the outside. I know who he is but I don’t know him personally.”

“Hmm.... I have another question. Would you rather be here or back on Coruscant?”

“Hell no.” Kallus bit the inside of his cheek. “Well... actually no. Nevermind.”

She grabbed one of his arms. “Wait! No, you were gonna say something. I wanna know!” she giggled out. The transmitter began beeping and Kallus dismissed the talk with a wave of his hand. “Forget it”, he said with a chuckle of his own. “We have orders.”

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t worry you’ll get you kalluzeb. 
> 
> I’ve had this idea for the longest time and now it’s finally getting published. I just couldn’t find a good lullaby for kallus to sing. I even thought about making up my own lullaby but it’s actually harder than I thought. In the end I fell in LOVE with Stolas’ Song and only changed the bit that mentions the 7 rings of hell collapsing to the universe collapsing. More accurate haha. Anyways let me know if you liked it (or not) and I’ll see you in the next update!


End file.
